[And suddenly, the emptiness that had struck and cratered him once he was done distracting himself with the stranger he had picked up seems only to widen. He stares down at the message and for a long moment debates how to answer. It is easy to forget that the Asher he is speaking to is in some respects months behind him. This Asher never met Oliver in Philadelphia, and so must have only met him in his adventures out here, a stranger from the same world. A stranger who should be a friend.
This Asher doesn't know any better, but his question stings all the same.]
Oliver and I broke up a few weeks before I ended up here
wait so HE'S the it boi whose ass you've been tappin this whole time?
[The shock hits him all at once like an unwanted surge of electricity, the missing links to some of the mystery surrounding Oliver's oddly familiar behavior suddenly uncovered. Asher's memory flits back to a vague conversation he once had with the other, older man over the network, something that had made him suspect this.
Still, somehow between now and then, he had forgotten all about it.]
you cheated on him, you
[But that was a year ago.
Connor says Oliver and I, and then three weeks ago, so somehow their relationship had survived those rather rocky beginnings. What, then, could possibly be even worse?]
maybe. I dunno. he seems PRETTY set in his decision to just be friends. said he needs space so he can figure out some stuff on his own. or whatever.
but you don't want to hear about all my boy drama.
[Which he adds out of some sense of self-preservation, recoiling from opening himself too widely. Although he considers him a friend now, he is not in the habit of having heart-to-heart talks with Asher.]
[Asher rejects the opportunity to walk away from the conversation, to go back to joking around. And so Connor must follow through.
Alone in the darkness of the room which still does not feel like his own, he feels as small as the stars look in the night sky. Up there they seem so remote and alone, and cold as if they should take on the qualities of the air in which they hang. At night one can forget that the stars burn hot and bright and gather around them the planets of distant solar systems.
It is for this intense loneliness that he will have a hard time stopping once he starts.]
it just sucks. I can tell he still has feelings for me but he just refuses to act on them because he thinks it's "for the best." I miss him. when he's right in front of me I miss him because it's just not the same.
[At the very bottom of a long day, he is too worn down to put out barbs. Asher is not mistaken to read this as a cry for help: of everyone here, he trusts only Asher and Oliver himself, and every time he had appealed to the latter with his raw mess of a heart, he was rejected. He has no one else to turn to.]
it's complicated.
I was trying to transfer to Stanford, just to get out of Philly. Ollie didn't want to leave but I wouldn't listen to him, so he deleted my acceptance email.
I found out about it later and I forgave him, but then he flipped out on me saying I'm supposed to be mad at him. he was upset that he lied to me and didn't want to do it anymore.
so I guess breaking up was his way of fixing that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
is this a gag tag or a real tag idk
haaaaaaay homie
how's that wild goose chase goin
[he means ur search for a man]
quack quack 👅💦
it's real now
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[asher you are never graduating law school at this rate]
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and it's only a wild goose chase if you never catch what you're chasing after
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[plz don't talk anymore]
did u n some other dude manage 2 hit it off after shakin ur tailfeathers down on the dance floor?
[if ur reading this it's 2 late]
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[He is deliberately ignoring that comment about tail feathers.]
i'm sorry for this
jesus
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but I do NOT want to find any barbs or tentacles when I pull a guy's pants down
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[does this mean that asher millstone is, in some way, a lil freakier than coner walsh
maybe he's just had more time to adjust]
sooooo, since u were out n about sluttin it up at the partaaay, i'm guessin ur single now?
weren't u seein that hacker guy a lil while ago? what happened, he 👻 on ya, or wut? lol
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This Asher doesn't know any better, but his question stings all the same.]
Oliver and I broke up a few weeks before I ended up here
he dumped me actually
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[The shock hits him all at once like an unwanted surge of electricity, the missing links to some of the mystery surrounding Oliver's oddly familiar behavior suddenly uncovered. Asher's memory flits back to a vague conversation he once had with the other, older man over the network, something that had made him suspect this.
Still, somehow between now and then, he had forgotten all about it.]
you cheated on him, you
[But that was a year ago.
Connor says Oliver and I, and then three weeks ago, so somehow their relationship had survived those rather rocky beginnings. What, then, could possibly be even worse?]
are you two still talking?
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whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. it sucks and it's totally stupid but we're done.
[Nothing between them feels done. It is raw and messy and frayed around the edges, and seeing him reopens every wound he inflicted.]
we're talking but pretty much all our conversations that don't end in an argument just feel awkward.
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For once.]
well, if you're still talkin, then
it's not over yet, right?
[If he were to say those words out loud, they'd come off quieter.
Gentler than the ones that had come before.]
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but you don't want to hear about all my boy drama.
[Which he adds out of some sense of self-preservation, recoiling from opening himself too widely. Although he considers him a friend now, he is not in the habit of having heart-to-heart talks with Asher.]
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[The question is innocent, surprisingly.
Asher knows a thing or two about pretending to be okay despite the obvious.]
we're friends, right?
[Maybe he shouldn't have asked that.
Silently, he braces himself for another one of Connor Walsh's rude tirades.]
it's okay, dude
we can talk, especially if you need to
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[Asher rejects the opportunity to walk away from the conversation, to go back to joking around. And so Connor must follow through.
Alone in the darkness of the room which still does not feel like his own, he feels as small as the stars look in the night sky. Up there they seem so remote and alone, and cold as if they should take on the qualities of the air in which they hang. At night one can forget that the stars burn hot and bright and gather around them the planets of distant solar systems.
It is for this intense loneliness that he will have a hard time stopping once he starts.]
it just sucks. I can tell he still has feelings for me but he just refuses to act on them because he thinks it's "for the best." I miss him. when he's right in front of me I miss him because it's just not the same.
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Asher's heart latches on to this pitiful display of friendship, which honestly reads more like a pathetic cry for help, but hey. He'll take it.
Connor's in luck, though. He's had time to practice being a better friend.]
did he ever tell you why?
why he thinks it's for the best, i mean
[If Oliver didn't end things with Connor after being cheated on or exposed like that, why would he end them then?
What happened?]
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it's complicated.
I was trying to transfer to Stanford, just to get out of Philly. Ollie didn't want to leave but I wouldn't listen to him, so he deleted my acceptance email.
I found out about it later and I forgave him, but then he flipped out on me saying I'm supposed to be mad at him. he was upset that he lied to me and didn't want to do it anymore.
so I guess breaking up was his way of fixing that.
1/?
2/?
3/?
4/4
BRUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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it's not a huge deal. being with him is way more important to me than going to some stupid school in California. so I forgave him.
[Because that's healthy.]
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cw: slight body image/dysmorphia mention?
i'm sorry
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sorry for the icon repeat fam
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